Are you stuck in your relationship and growing a lot of anger? Is there a wall in your communication that prevents your complaints from being received on the other side?
Probably you are dealing with a person who has very high level of resistance skills...sometimes this behavior is called passive aggression. If you find yourself stuck, and bouncing repetitively against cold shoulders, then this information is what you need:
Anger is particularly destructive for relationships, because it sends the message that is more important to vent, explode rage feelings than to care for the other person living with us. It says that we need to explode regardless the other person's feelings and the emotional impact on her. In short, is a very selfish attitude, and this self-centeredness kills a marriage.
When we live in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, interests, and ways of doing things frequently clash.
Why is it that when angry, we tend to attack the person we love most?
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Since we spend so much time together, and since we know the other person's shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to use little things as a target of our anger. From here on it is easy to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable, and we can keep on blaming this person for everything. This is a slippery slope that makes our shared life a living misery. Unless the issue of ange ris dealt with by the person who owns it, any relationship is in danger.
Even when two people may genuinely love one another, if they get frequently angry with each other, then there is a loss of happy times, and conflict times prevail. Eventually they will live in a constant battle…one acussing the other, the other defending herself and escalating the dispute. There is no love that can survive, they will stay together out of convenience or routine, but the spark is gone.
Living so near each other can be irritating; we could perceive the lack of privacy as a loss….and is too easy to explode about anything. If one side of the couple i shaving old anger issues, then the relationship will mutate into a constant barrage of accusations, anger explosions and long silence periods afterwards. It's better to deal with our anger feelings immediately, and don't let them build up, and even better to recognize the relationship damage and have some way of apologizing and do repair work.
In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry arise many times a day, so to prevent the build-up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind. Otherwise, it will generate bad feelings, mistrust and a general perception of relationship deterioration that can lead to divorce.
We should remember that every opportunity to develop anger is also an opportunity to develop patience. Instead of being angry because we want the world and others to respond to our needs and be as we want them to be, we can train ourselves into accepting that others are different people who do different things.
It is more than « putting up » with things we don't like : it is accepting, fully and happily, whatever occurs in our marriage as a new lesson in sharing a world. Can you forget the idea that you are right and the others are wrong? give up the idea that things should be other than what they are.
This kind of acceptance send the right message to your love partner: that you are open to whatever he/she brings with no judgment and no demands. Isn't this the best definition of an anger-free relationship ?
